Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
