It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
