Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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