Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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