she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
