Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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