The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
