So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
