Sponge bath it is.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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