Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
