PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
