I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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