hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
