I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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