and you said cock pushups were impossible
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
