seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
