what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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