oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
