You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
