I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
