and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
