they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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