I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
