a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drake has all the answers
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
