So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
