16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
