I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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