I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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