Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
