You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
