You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't deserve a penis
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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