Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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