he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
