come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
