Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
