i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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