it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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