what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the condom got lost in my hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
