I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
