The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
