you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
