Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
