I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
