Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
