Where are you?
In a non slutty way
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
