Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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