I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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