Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
