I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
