Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
