Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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